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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Minorest Minority

Just for the heck of it, I Googled, "how many Portuguese immigrants in US" to see what would come up. Have you any idea how many sites track that statistic? I tried, "number of obese Americans," then, "cigarette smokers." I should have majored in statistics. Evidently, there's no shortage in that job market. Finally, I typed in "number of short-waisted women."

Nada. Zilch. Big zero. Oh yeah, there was a list of sites to click, but none indicated a tally for my select group. Am I in such a small minority that there are not even statistics? (I will go back and check out some of these sites... They had tips for dressing to camouflage our 'disfigurement', and places to order special clothing.)

Wait a minute! Did I hear myself correctly? Camouflage? Gee, do they have sites with tips to camouflage being an immigrant or a smoker? Should I be ashamed of being short-waisted? Isn't it punishment enough that we grown old before our time? You didn't know that? Yes, we do.

For most women, they feel old when their breasts sag to near their waist. For us, our breasts are there when we start high school! Do you know what that means when we get love handles? We can practically tuck them under the sides of our bras! Do not laugh! It is not funny!

As if that isn't bad enough... We short-waisted women are of normal varying heights. My BF is 5'10". I am 5'5". We share this hideous deformity. What this means is that we both have legs longer than average for our height... Translation: Pants are always too short!

Refer to this diagram:
You will notice the pants are identical. The figures are identical in height and width. Which one appears more attractive? Which one looks short and chunky? Which one has saggier breasts? Which one should legally be allowed to appear in public? Strike that last question!

The nearest category to short-waisted in the average department store is petite. I am not petite. In my dreams, yes; in reality, no way, Jose! In that same department store, they have outfits designed for ethnic tastes; they have business attire; they have sections for teens and old ladies. Why is there no section for us? How long must we take this? We have a mixed-race President, yet no short-waisted clothing department!

ALF-CIO, are you listening? Is there a short-waisted Supreme Court Justice? How many short-waisted women make up the Senate and the House of Representatives? It's time we stand up and be counted!


Rae said...

Well if you are going to petition then so am I. But I am the opposite. Too tall. I want congress to enact a bill requiring pants to fit me without the crotch being to short. I want to be able to pull my pants up to my waist. I am tired of half of my backside hanging out because the crotch rides low.

And since you are on the subject of sagging. I think the size of the objects determine how far they will sag also. More object - more sag. Especially with aging. Heck if I could pull a pair of pants up to my waistline I could just tuck the sag in there.

Historical sites with charmine said...

Lily, i see an opportunity to open a store for short-waisted folks,selling designer wear for ....yep.I should be able to make a small pile of $$$ .

Anonymous said...

Hilarious blog! (But so sadly true!)