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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

'Til death do we part...

I would like to introduce my in-laws.
This is their wedding photo from 1945. They live here with us. When today began, everyone was sure her days here were numbered. It was time to move her. Her care has been very difficult and it's become more than I can do. Hubby's brother and sister both now see the challenges we face. My biggest fear is injuring her. She has fragile joints and is six-feet, over two-hundred pounds. I am five-foot-five and shrinking. I can no longer support her weight to walk her to the bathroom or get her from the chair to the bed. I pulled something yesterday. Hubby told me not to feel guilty. I've cared for her for six years now and I've done my best.

Plans turned around quickly. They have been together for too long now. Even though he cannot bear to see her this way, he cannot bear to be apart from her. If we don't keep them here, he will move somewhere alone with her. Of course he's not able to care for her. That's just the tip of our fear...

Each of them have lost more than one immediate family member to suicide. Her brother, his sister, facing cancer... You get the picture. They are Christians and believe that God may not forgive them if they did such a thing. But before that, he made statements many times that, "When I can't take care of your mommy anymore..." And he meant it.

5 comments:

SquirrelQueen said...

I just read both of your posts and my heart aches for you and your family. This has to be so difficult, emotionally and physically. I know I cannot fully comprehend the issues your are facing.

I do know from experience with my M-i-L several years back when she was in the last months of ALS that a 5'5" woman can barely handle a 6', 200lb woman even on a good day. Lily, please be careful and don't injure yourself.

You will be in my thoughts.
Judy

Rae said...

You are carrying a heavy burden right now. It has to be a very difficult decision to make regarding her care. Do you have local a local support group for caregivers? It might be worth becoming involved to aid you own coping. Best Wishes.
RAE

CrazyCris said...

It must be very hard to care for a family member who's so poorly, and it must be terrible to find oneself so badly off after a long healthy life.

My paternal grandmother's final months were a nightmare having to be taken to dialisis a couple of times a week. She went from being very independant at the age of 83 to almost overnight depending on people to take care of her.

When I think of her I don't feel as bad as I did when my maternal grandfather passed away, a sudden heart attack after having read his morning newspaper and played his chess moves, still following his daily routine.

Best wishes with your family's health and lots of courage!

hugs

~*Jessica*~ said...

I know it is very selfish of me, but I want her to hold on just till January. I have had a picture of Her, Tim, and the baby since I first met them (if I could find Green jumpsuits for each of them that would be even better) and I know Tim feels the same way. I also kinda feel guilty that maybe she is holding on in hopes to see 'Timmy's Baby' - and if wouldn't have been 'broken' she would have been able to see it much earlier, and not suffered so much. I feel bad on both accounts for you and Ray, hurting yourselves to try and take care of them. I wish we could do more to help. ♥ J

Grandma Nina said...

Lilly,
I was behind in my blog reading and just read this post of yours. I'm so sorry you're going through this and I understand. This is so hard emotionally as well as physically. I know how hard it is for me when my Grandma (we just put in nursing home) tells me she just wants to die. Good luck to you and stay strong in all ways.